The Advice from My Parent Which Helped Us as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was just in survival mode for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the difficulties of fatherhood.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he reached burnout. It was a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to talking about the strain on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are symptomatic of a larger failure to open up among men, who often hold onto harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and remains standing every time."

"It isn't a display of weakness to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - going on a few days abroad, away from the home environment, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings caused him to make "terrible actions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, confide in a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. It could be exercising, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and when you can, sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly found it hard to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan shares. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my job is to teach and advise you on life, but in reality, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."